Let go and have faith

Sometimes I journal and keep my thoughts private, but there is something sacred to sharing. Exposing that vulnerable part of your soul. Releasing the words, allows the situation a chance to breathe, air out.  For me, it somehow release the grip that it has on my heart and mind, and disperses the weight. And so If you choose to read this, thank you for those few minutes that you share with me. It is an acknowledgment that we each have a journey... we are never alone.. and what we experience has value. We are worthy. We are loved. 

Often, I will post about things I’m learning, relearning, or those  “aha” moments. Sometimes it’s noticing or observing those close to me, seeing what they are going through and it helps me to reflect on my own behavior and actions. Also to include things that I observe in myself and am working on changing, developing and trying to master. And lastly, sharing what I believe in and things I want to remember. And by sharing theses concepts and thoughts, holding myself accountable to you all, to keep steady on the path. This post is cumulative of all those reasons. To learn, share, grow... and most importantly to release the thoughts from my head so they hold me hostage no more.

One of the most beautiful experiences about traveling alone around the world, is the stirring of my heart. The thoughts, emotions, feelings that awaken. Ideas that are familiar to me, but have been repressed, come bursting to the surface. A kind of self reflection that can bring me to tears and cause gratitude to bubble up from the wellspring of my soul. Traveling takes you away from your comfort zone and into new surroundings; hearing languages you’ve never heard before, seeing unusual sights and sounds that make you pause and think about your own life and what really matters. Seeing poverty of new depths, sights that take your breath away, devotion to Gods and worship different than the traditional western belief system, eating new food or NOT knowing what you’re eating!! It thrusts you into the “now” moment. To be aware of your surroundings and paying attention to the details. Soaking it all in. You are catapulted into new adventures that may be a little unknown, “shady” if I dare say, uncomfortable,and raw.

There are times when I am able to so completely detach from home life, that I realize “home” becomes a relative concept and truly is wherever YOU ARE.  The idea, ‘Be Here Now’, comes to mind. To absorb the moment, breathe in peace, detachment, clarity.  Not worrying about anything... it’s blissful, cathartic, a taste of nirvana. In contrast, there are times when home circumstances cloud my brain, stick to my thoughts, and keep me slightly distracted, through no fault but my own. A slight nudge from the Universe to...let go....  a gentle reminder that things are out of our control and worrying will only fester in the mind, taking your precious serenity.  And so comes into play, our practice of what we CAN control. The practice of self awareness. Breathing, centering our thoughts through mediation, gratitude, visualizing, journaling and surrender. Trusting that we are on the right path and as things get a little bumpy, we are being taught to slow down, stay the course and trust.  I take  great comfort in seeing “signs” from the Universe. A wink from Source, our Higher Power, God, Creator, or whatever term you choose to call The One. 

As I woke today, my head flooded with the struggles that a loved one is going through, rushing into my consciousness. I found it hard to shake the fear, and discomfort of it all. Missing them and longing to be by their side. Doing my best to use all the tools I have to clear the air and come back to a more centered frame of mind. Teetering in and out of peace and certainty. My head “future tripping” on all the “what ifs” and “how’s”, dancing with uncertainty and a head full of questions. “Needing” to have contact to ease the stormy seas in my mind. I was searching for external validation, nearly desperate for reassurance. Then I was gifted the first “sign” from the Universe. An external showing and reminder to look within. I smiled, whispering, “thank you”. Then another, smiling again, I chucked to myself. They continued to manifest until I found myself  saying, “ok, I get it”....I’ll hold strong and keep the faith. There is nothing I can do but hold space for them, and keep them lifted by positive thoughts and prayers. 

And that brings me to NOW. This beautiful, eternal moment. Yes, my heart still longs for that connection. But for now, it is fueled with a greater sense of trust. Giving up my fear and allowing the space between us to be just physical by distance and not by lack of desire. When we love those closest to us more fully, from a place of unconditional devotion, delight, and respect for their situation, we can free ourselves and them from the burdens of expectation. Giving them the space they need to go through their situation. We can support them, love them, yearn for them, but let them walk on their own journey.   Trusting that they will be ok. True love comes from a place of being by their side, and knowing when to let them carry their own burdens because it is necessary for growth. Being a friend. Yearning to be in their arms or to hold them close and to take away their pain, but also understanding that the pain of being broken open is important for the journey. To be there as the light shines through, delighting in their healing. Sharing in the tenderness of a heart being mended. Cherishing the time you will once again be reconnected physically. To be  embraced them in their arms....  Choosing to see the big picture of it all. The bumps are just that, a hiccup if you will. They cause a small upset. A disruption to our path. But we grow stronger from them. Learn to build confidence in others, ourselves and to practice faith. It’s all just learning. And what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. True for individuals and true for relationships. Not saying it won’t sting, but understanding that it’s temporary. This too shall pass. And what we learn can make us stronger for when the next battle arrives. Giving us perspective and wisdom.

And so I wait patiently (most of the time.....) for the waters to calm for both of us. Recognizing that the most stunning of sunsets come from the stormiest  seas.  And the sun will rise again in all its glory. Remembering that we appreciate the good times when we’ve experienced the difficult. Acknowledging we often learn the most when we’ve been challenged. And going through the mud instead of around it, will shorten the distance to our freedom. Ignoring our problems only temporary halts what eventually is ours to bear. It is with gratitude that I see this situation as just one more step along the path of life. One more opportunity to grow as an individual. And one more experience as a spiritual being in this human body. What a precious experience it is.....